| You know I some what miss this thing.
If anyone actually reads this i'm still alive. At the moment i'm looking to collect any nintendo gamecube games if anyone has some. name it and i'll see if i can take those off your hands.
I'm in West Bloomfield for three more days? I should be in Ypsi on Wednesday for a day, then a road trip to texas for a weekend but won't be back till monday. Linkin park concert project revolution wednesday i think? so if you're still keeping track how many days has passed till i have free time,the answer is on the 22nd. My parent's annoy me more than ever. I'm scared shitless to be living by myself. My dad this summer grabbed me by the arm and dragged me halfway across the room which caused me to have a panic attack 15 minutes later. I never knew what it felt like so that scared me even more. But it just feels as if you're having a heart attack your shoulders and chest get all tense and if you freak out your breath rate increases as well. My mom doesn't trust me she thinks i'll fail at life. Truth is almost failing. It seems every parent's flaw is they stack up on what the other children havedone in the past car wrecks drugs you know. Thus all that gets stacked on me as the youngest.
This summer i have successfully done nothing. go me! Jobs seems to be scarce around here... or michigan economy going to the shit. Old news, I don't think i have much to hold on to as far as friends or family. If i took facebook and deleted every one there would only be 3 people worth keeping. For family there's two my sister Dinah and my mom even if she drives me to my furthest insanity. I look far down my hitory of dating out of all 3 thus far i have to say my very 1st boyfriend did best of every thing. second boyfriend was comparable to my 1st. but i wasn't ready to grow up and i can't be mrs. stepford wife. i wish i could but not me. this comes up to my current boyfriend there's lots of things he could improve on. I'm still trying to hold on i guess... though no regrets. | comments: Leave a comment   |
| Happy birthday to my two cute litte cousins, well maybe not so little anymore. Grace turned 7 and Isabel turned 4.
Today I went to the cementary, our family usually goes once or twice a year. This year I haven't gone to pay a visit to my grandpa or grandma or in chinese; gung gung and poa poa. It was also two weeks over due. For some reason I feel better now. Maybe they are watching me and asked me to go. I had weird dreams over the past two-three nights. Pretty creepy.
Life is okay, it's already June of 2007. Where has all this time gone? 7 years ago i was awoken to the news that my newest cousin Grace was born. It was the end of Middle school 8th grade, only had a few more days of school left. Also 7 years ago this week I was turning 13. In my heart I still feel 16 and look 16, but my mind seems to feel older since February. I felt like i was 21 already months before my birthday this week. I'll hope it will be fun.
In other news: Once upon a time Jen met a guy a year ago last summer. She knew they could never be together till this weekend.
I fear once we move forward there's no turning back if things did not work out between the two of us and i also fear getting my heart broken. But I don't think we could get really close either since we both live at our parent's house and I most likely will not be going to Eastern for school. I believe I am happy, even if happiness is a stranger to me. I'm trying not to get my expectations high, as hard as i try to tone down what I want out of a guy it's hard not to compare it to past relationships. This feeling that i get is an old friend back when i was 16. I know something isn't right if you can't sleep at night wondering if he thinks of you or if you can stop thinking about him every spare moment you have. You wonder if he's okay or if he's going to call you just to hear your voice or to say he misses you or if he wants to hang out with you the next day. I'm still wondering what changed his mind. All those nights we hung out trying so hard to hold back. The way he smiles. the way he greets me. the way he picks me up for a hug and always had to dodge to try not to kiss him. The way he moves i wonder what causes such an arraction? Or is it because of company that makes it all better? We have a few things in common but i wish i knew more. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| fairwell bryan.
this journal is now closed, not only to one person but to every one else. It will no longer be updated. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | I have failed miserably. It might be time for me to go home... home for good as in possibly not returning to Eastern. I can't not run from my weaknesses. It is an on going battle, a battle that i have been trying to fight for a year and half. I've never felt this low before. I am trying not to cry as I write this. Why am I so fucked up? Even I don't even have a clue. Religion is bullshit... it does not do anything for me. My heart has reasons that i do not know of. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| 1. "One day at a time- this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering." Ida Scott Taylor.
2. "You cannot run away from weakness; you must fight it out or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?" Robert Lewis Stephenson
3. "Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact." Henry James
4."Andrew Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.
Sam: I still feel at home in my house.
Andrew Largeman: You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place." Garden State
5. "It's not who I am underneath, but what I *do* that defines me." Bruce Wayne, Batman Begins
6."My pen is the barrel of a gun. Remind me which side you should be on."
7. "Any Asian who can quote the dialogue of the Brady Bunch, but could not cite one word from the Han Dynasty is obviously a Twinkie, yellow on the outside; white on the inside." Dim Sum Of All Things
8. Asians are missing an alcoholic enzyme, that's why we get bright red when we drink..." Dim Sum Of All Things
9. " John Steinbeck once wrote, 'Change comes like a little wind that ruffles the curtains at dawn, and it comes like a stealthy perfume of wildflowers hidden in the grass."
10. Stephen King wrote: Time takes it all. Whether you want it to or not, time takes it all away, time bares it away. And in the end, there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again.
11. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow once said, "We are all architects of faith, ever living in these walls of time."
12. Ralph Waldo Emerson: 'There is no privacy that cannot be penetrated. No secret can be kept in the civilized world. Society is a masked ball where everyone hides his real character and reveals it by hiding.'
13. "When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone." Tennessee Williams
14. "Okay, guy in need of a clue. Here's one. Women send signals. That was a brush off. Before you dip into your shallow pool of wit, let me paint us a picture and save us both the trouble. Here's your evening. You are going to slink back off to your buddies, laugh this off, get wasted, go home, and make nice with yourself. But don't be thinking of me, because even your fantasy of me isn't interested in you." Brooke Davis
15. "Try though you may, there may come a time when failure is inevitable. Channel This agony and bitterness into creating a new plan" FFXI | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Bouncing Souls
Street Dogs
Whole Wheat Bread Doors at 6pm
$15 St. Andrews Hall
431 E. Congress
Detroit, MI 48226
Bouncing souls fuck yeah! | | comments: Leave a comment |
|
why is our login portal to our mail and shit have to be so creepy? Seriously i don't really want to log-in and see my old RA what are the chances of that?
 | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| Alkaline Trio
This Could Be Love
"I've got a book of matches. I've got a can of kerosene. I've got some bad ideas involving you and me. I don't blame you for walking away. I'd touch myself at thoughts of flames. I shat the bed. I laid there in it thinking of you. Wide awake for days. Wide awake for days. And I found you tongue tied in my twisted little brain. You couldn't crack a smile. I didn't catch your name. I don't blame you for walking away. I'd do the same if I saw me. I swear it's not contageous. In four short steps we can erase this.
Step one: slit my throat.
Step two: play in my blood.
Step three: cover me in dirty sheets and run laughing out of the house.
Step four: stop off at Edgebrook creek and rinse your crimson hands.
You took me hostage and made your demands... I couldn't meet them so you cut off my fingers one by one... one by one. I'm like a broken record. I've got a needle scratching me. It injects the poisons of alcohol I.V. I don't blame you for walking away. I'd do the same if I saw me. I swear it's not contagious. I swear to god it's not contagious. Step one: slit my throat. Step two: play in my blood. Step three: cover me in dirty sheets and run laughing out of the house. Step four: stop at Lake Michigan and rinse your crimson hands. You took me hostage and made your demands... I couldn't meet them so you cut off my fingers one by one... This could be love (Love for fire). This could be love (Love for fire). This could be love, for fire forevermore. Step one: slit my throat. Step two: play in my blood. Step three: cover me in dirty sheets and run laughing out of the house. Step four: stop at Berkeley marina and rinse your crimson hands. You took me hostage and made your demands... I couldn't meet them so you cut off my fingers one by one... one by one..." | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 04:08 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/tired.gif) tired |
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| Admist drama, confusion, denial, regret, broken hearts, pushing relationships and friendships to it's limits... this is the breaking point of new adventures and a point in time to meet new people. Be involved. Leave the old behind. For what its worth, it should be worth your time. It's apart of life. There is a time and place where you shall not fret. Follow your heart and let that guide you.
There has been a lot of events that has happened this week. I might elaborate when i figure things out or when it's not 4am in the morning. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| this is the song that is rolling through my head at the moment... it's bittersweet i suppose.
| | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Bad Religion | | Subject: | top 5 | | Time: | 02:58 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/okay.gif) okay |
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| top 5 things/goals
1. find someone to love
2. get rid of this pain that aches in my heart. seems silly it's already almost a year ago.
3. get in super shape.
4. i will not be a hermit
5. meet new people. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Your eyes glancing upon mine,
hands held together
the sweet smells of summer,
the smell of warm days ahead,
the softness of your skin up against mine
the sweet taste of your lips
Just wishing our night could be longer,
we fall apart, to find out our love for each other has grown stronger,
no matter how far we may go you will be in my heart.
written April 20th, 2003 | | comments: Leave a comment |
|
I escaped from the Dungeon of Fivefootaznfury!
I killed Mandierocks the floating eye, Ashesmadworld the goblin, Mimicahero the goblin and Crzybliss the nymph.
I looted the Crown of Fivefootaznfury, the Wand of Bow2gaijin, the Dagger of Xchris46413x, the Shield of Patito86 and 57 gold pieces.
Score: 132
Explore the Dungeon of Fivefootaznfury and try to beat this score, or enter your username to generate and explore your own dungeon...
| | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Opeth-Hope Leaves | | Time: | 05:31 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/sad.gif) sad |
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| Since i don't really sleep... i thought this was pretty cool. It's acurate to me.
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Advanced Global Personality Test Results
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Take Free Advanced Global Personality Testpersonality tests by similarminds.com
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Stability results were high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic..
Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.
Extraversion results were low which suggests you are very reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.
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trait snapshot:
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introverted, secretive, reclusive, tough, non social, observer, fearless, solitary, libertarian, detached, does not like to lead, outsider, abides the rules, mind over heart, good at saving money, does not like to stand out, does not make friends easily, self sufficient, not aggressive, likes the unknown, unconcerned with external opinion, strong, abstract, independent, very intellectual, analytical, high self control
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| | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 03:22 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/angry.gif) angry |
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| | stupid people. trust no one. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 05:35 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/irritated.gif) irritated |
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| i'll numb myself to sleep.
fuck off. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| |
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